


saw you in the lowlight

by bimrambles



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: F/F, Post-Canon, alana apologizes (kinda), its rlly............ soft, this is literally just warm up im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-19 00:19:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11301834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bimrambles/pseuds/bimrambles
Summary: she's different.





	saw you in the lowlight

**Author's Note:**

> title frm owl city- the saltwater room
> 
> i have wanted to write zoelana for the longest time but i wanted to make it Really Good but then stuff happened so just have this gross warm up lmao

First things first, you never thought you would find yourself standing in front of the Murphy house, let alone knock at the door. Second, you never thought Zoe Murphy would be the one to answer. And last of all, you never thought she would remember you.

“Alana Beck? From the Project?” She says your name with as much normality as there was venom. Okay, you expected that. Your contribution to The Connor Project as its (former) co-president was insurmountable, but the project itself was deemed... problematic to the family involved.

“Uhm... yes, actually. Okay, look, I’m—” You forget what you wanted to say. You swear it’s just there in your mind, because that’s what you had rehearsed on the way here. She puts up her palm, dismissing you.

“No, I don’t want to hear it.”

“Sorry, I was just... I just wanted to talk to you.”

“Well, I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to talk to anybody. Just say what you want and... please leave.”

How do you cut down a carefully-worded 5 minute apology into 5 words?

“...I fell for it, too.”

There was a brief silence after that, but she opens the door wider, as if inviting you to proceed further inside. This surprises you, but you take your hasty steps nonetheless. It’s getting cold outside, anyways. The living room lights are off — which is odd— but she just sits down on the couch, so you do too. She turns on the TV; you could barely hear the dialogue because the volume is turned down to the lowest setting other than mute— and it stays like that for a few seconds. You glance at the girl beside you, and she just looks _exhausted_. There are dark circles under her eyes, her hair wildly unkempt— she was in her pajamas. There’s soft light painted on her face, and... _you swear to God she looks beautiful even when she’s so tired._

“Please don’t say that like it’s Evan’s fault.” Zoe breaks the silence.

“Isn’t it, though?” She shakes her head.

“It’s everybody’s. It’s my parents’, mine, Connor’s, Evan’s, Jared’s, yours. In that order, actually.” She chuckles to herself. “So no, I don’t want to hear your apology. There’s enough of that, and I already know you’re sorry. Everybody is.”

“You’re... uh, that’s kinda weird.”

“It’s the truth.”

You’re worried for her. You’re worried she’s taking this a little too well. There are dirty plates on the coffee table, and those aren’t dark circles under her tired eyes, that’s smudged mascara and eye makeup that Zoe hadn’t bothered to wipe off since. The house is deathly quiet save for the murmuring from the television.

“Where are your parents?”

“Legal stuff.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Hey, Alana? Thanks, but I don’t want to think about anything else. I... brought you in because I just want to see, hear, feel something different. Something good. Because I haven’t for the past week, you know. It’s been the same day over and over, and I’m a mess.”

“Well... I— I’m helpless at this point.” You admit, eyes still glued on Zoe. “I don’t know what... I don’t know what to say.”

“Okay, so we’ll just sit here in another minute of silence, that’s cool. I could stick with that.”

“There has to be something though, right?”

“So, that’s you. You—“ She snorts, and you were a tad bit confused if not slightly offended, “You never know what to do other than doing something.”

“Sorry?”

“No, oh my God, don’t apologize.” _Evan stands there at the other side of her dead brother’s bed. Well, you’ve probably never been poor. He bows down in shame, feeling like his own self is slipping through the gaps between his fingers as he desperately grabs for some sense of control._ And she saw that in you somewhere. She saw that in you, and she would swear it wasn’t that important, she tried not to let it be that important. It sounded familiar— _sorry, no, sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I don’t even think things like that._ But you’re not him. It’s there, but it doesn’t have to mean that you’re _him_. “I was just... I don’t know. You’re the kind of person who feels like they’re constantly entitled to have some sort of initiative with everything around them, aren’t you?”

“...I don’t really know where you’re going with this, but I guess so.”

“I’m just... You’re— you’re different.” Alana blushes at this, nervous laughs echoing down the next hall. She looks away, feeling more vulnerable than she ever was before this moment— but in this moment especially, with the low light of the television dancing on their faces and shimmering in their eyes, their breaths hardly contained in what seems to be the smallest space that ever held them, and them only, time freezes. They could feel the tension wear off with each passing chuckle. They can have this. They just need time to heal and grow back what was plucked away from them.

“Okay. Okay, good. Oh, can I help you with anything, then? Anything at all?”

Zoe lets out a smile, that same old mischievous grin the Murphy was so known for.

“Well, if you don’t mind, we can get started on cleaning up before my parents come home?”

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading <3 <3 come yell at me on tunglr dot com lmao (@bimnoodles)


End file.
